Do I take that path? Or do I ignore my reason and thinking ability to preserve such things as family, friends and comfort?
I couldn't ignore my reasoning and thinking ability. During the years of my still attending meetings while learning more about TTATT were very painful. Once I was able to move away and stop attending meetings, my thinking cleared many hurdles.
Sometimes I missed the collection of friends, but that passed surprisingly quickly. It's only a very few JW relatives that I still have any conversation with.
I don't have the paradise fantasy. WT had that carrot of paradise, the resurrection of loved ones, and pet pandas. But the longer I was a JW, the more I saw all the strings attached to that carrot. And after slaving for years in bethel, the thought of the whole world being run like that was no paradise.
Once I got away, I don't have a codified belief system that is handed to me by some suits in Brooklyn. There are very many things I don't know, and it really doesn't bother me. Now I find it sad when I see so many people in the world that have made terrible life decisions based on the direction of the GB and other religious fanatics.